


Shadow to the Light

by Paint_It_Yellow



Series: Life Goes On (Post GX Canon) [7]
Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! GX
Genre: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Nonbinary Character, Other, and therefore yubel's also since we get literally nothing, at least i hope it counts as it cause it felt really sweet, judai doesn't sleep in a park this time. it doesn't even take place in one!, lots of headcanons about judai's past life, obviously i mean imagine however many years that is just. not being able to touch, they/them pronouns, two fucked up folks talk about their fucked up selves, yubel is touch starved
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-15
Updated: 2020-03-15
Packaged: 2021-02-28 21:54:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,111
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23154379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Paint_It_Yellow/pseuds/Paint_It_Yellow
Summary: Good sense, innocence, cripplin' mankindDead kings, many things I can't defineOccasions, persuasions clutter your mindIncense and peppermints, the color of time___________________________________________Or, Judai has a nightmare. It goes downhill from there.
Relationships: Yubel/Yuuki Juudai | Jaden Yuki
Series: Life Goes On (Post GX Canon) [7]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1200361
Comments: 4
Kudos: 28





	Shadow to the Light

He really thought he was over it. He really, truly did. With ‘it’ being the boatload of trauma he’d managed to accumulate within three years, that is. Maybe it was that it was easier to ignore now, somehow, despite everything calming down. Human problems become so much less noticeable when your humanity decreases and your human companionship drops to approximately zero. 

“This is the second night you’ve woken up screaming, do you want to talk about it?” Yubel asked him as he sat on the windowsill of the room he’d booked out, watching the sun breach the horizon. 

“Not really. I don’t even remember what I was dreaming about.” Judai pointedly refused to look in their direction, their concerned yet somehow disapproving face clear in his mind. There was a moment he thought that they might drop it, just this once. 

“You and I both know that’s not true.”

“What, you can read minds now?” 

“Are you forgetting how long I’ve known you for?” Judai could feel a soft pulse across his soul- what he could only imagine what would be a soft, loving caress of the hand if they were normal people. “You have all the same tells.” 

Something about that made the corners of his mouth twitch upwards and, before he even realised it, he was smiling, though not entirely sure why. 

“That so…” 

“It is,” they replied, “care to say what’s on your mind?” 

What it was that kept him from blurting out immediately he didn’t know. Fear, perhaps. Yubel frowned, but didn’t push, only sending another soft, reassuring pulse across their shared soul. A sign that whatever they were in, they were in together. 

“What was I like?” he asked, hesitantly looking towards their ghostly form. “Back in our first lives, I mean?” 

He did try his best to look towards the future, somewhat ironically, considering. It wasn’t something he thought about often, he would say, but it did cross his mind on occasions like this. He remembered bits and pieces- sometimes he’d dream of his first life down to the most minute of details- but never all of it. Sometimes it felt like his mind was trying to protect him, like knowing too much would be bad. Like knowing himself was inherently wrong in some way. 

Yubel paused for a moment, looking back at Judai in some surprise, as if it were the last question they were expecting to hear from him. 

“Well... “ they began hesitantly, “you were pretty similar to how you are now, I’d say. It was kind of weird watching you grow up in such a different environment and yet have such a similar mindset, actually.”

He didn’t really know if he was disappointed in the response or not, to be honest. Had he expected more? He was a reincarnation, after all. He was still his past life, even if he didn’t remember all of it. 

“I think, to a degree, you weren’t as happy.”

“What?” Judai snapped instantly out of his thoughts. Not as happy? Sure, he recalled some sad memories- his mother’s death had caused a lot of grief, for one- but he was a prince! Not only that, but most of his memories were of him just being a child, or a teenager, fooling around and having fun in the castle, avoiding guards as he ignored Yubel berating him while they secretly enjoyed it or covered for him. 

“I can’t say I know what you remember but as you’re aware, you were a prince. You had a lot of lessons and rules. As the Emissary of Gentle Darkness you had a lot of expectation thrust upon you from a young age and war was common towards the end of your life, too. You never had much freedom, not in the sense that others your age ever did. You always did put a positive spin on things, though.”

“I… see.” He both wasn’t quite sure he did and yet, he could sense the feelings resonate deep within him. It felt true to himself. 

“You never admitted it to anyone, but you always wanted to go travelling around different kingdoms. I’m glad you get to do something similar now. Your much, much younger self would be so happy about it,” 

There was something so nostalgic about the way Yubel spoke, especially the last sentence that almost made Judai laugh. He wasn’t sure whether it would have been genuine or bitter. It only reminded him of how old Yubel was, even if dimension-magically speaking they were around the same age. 

“You sound so old when you speak like that,” he ended up saying instead. 

Yubel snorted. “I am old. You’re older than me, all things considered.”

“Wh- but you were taller than me even as a human! And there’s no way I grew to be taller than you.”

“You’ve got that one right.” They seemed proud. “But I was born a whole week after you.”

“Really?” 

“Sure was. Do you remember why we even knew each other in the first place?” 

“You were a maid’s kid, right?” Judai asked, cocking his head. He didn’t really see how relevant that was. 

“I was your wet nurse’s kid, she was a former maid. Good timing on her part, I suppose.”

“Oh wow, so we really have known each other since birth.”

“Pretty much. And then when you were reincarnated I came back as soon as you gained full consciousness.”

Judai lingered on the idea for a moment. That was a weird thought. Childhood friend turned lover turned guardian turned enemy turned literal soulmate. Sounded like the recipe for a weird, convoluted drama if you asked him. He supposed his life kind of was like a television show in certain aspects. 

“Who do you prefer?”

Yubel startled, looking at him like he’d grown another head (he wouldn’t be surprised if it happened one day). “What do you mean?” 

“The first or second me. Who do you like more?”

“What are you talking about? You’re both the same person.”

“But- I’m not. The first me grew up differently and knew different things- different people. Did different things. He didn’t make the mistakes I did.” Judai replied, bitter. “I’ve been an increasing mess since I was fifteen.”

Yubel’s gaze softened more than it already had as they made movement to sit next to him, even knowing they couldn’t touch, soul rippling in constant, concerned motions. “Is this what the nightmares are about?” 

“In their own, abstract way, I suppose,” he grudgingly admitted. 

They sighed, a large, clawed hand overlapping and passing through Judai’s own. It sent a shiver down his spine but he appreciated the gesture and recognised it for what it was. Some humanisms were harder to unlearn than others, Yubel had long since shown him. 

“I wasn’t going to say anything until it directly came up,” they said, looking straight ahead, no longer at him, “but you have to remember that Haou is your past self. Do you remember when I mentioned that towards the end of your life war was common?” 

He swallowed his oncoming sense of dread and nodded. 

“A lot of kingdoms were fighting for lots of things, not excluding your own capabilities as Emissary. Your home kingdom tried its best to stay out of them but they were forced into it eventually. After your father died in battle, you ascended the throne at a young age and were thrown straight to battle. It was a lot for you to take in. The few friends you had were sent to war, then your father died, then you took the throne and went into battle in his place, you watched many die. Your friends, strangers both friend and foe died by both your hand and not. You really struggled to keep your powers in check. And then it became too much and you, well. To keep it blunt you died and we’ll leave it at that.”

Judai sat and stared at the floor for a moment, digesting it all. Ah. He felt a bit numb about the revelation, though he supposed that was natural considering how disconnected he felt from his past life. 

“What happened after that?” he found himself asking without realising, genuinely curious. 

“I don’t know,” Yubel replied sounding oddly strained. “As soon as you died I found myself waking up to where you were born. I imagine one of your cousins took the throne.” 

Hesitantly, Judai found himself lifting his head, heart heavy, only to find Yubel in a state that he couldn’t say he’d seen in anything but flashbacks- brow scrunched, tears threatening to spill and mouth curled in effort, displaying their fangs fully. Frozen, he wasn’t quite sure what to do as he just looked at them and time seemed to slow. 

They were always so composed, furthest memories to now. The last time he’d seen them cry was also the first- back when they were children playing in the castle, Yubel had taken the fall for something stupid he’d done and gotten slapped by the head maid so hard they were forced to the ground. 

Both times Yubel cried and it would have been Judai’s fault. He was a terrible partner, truly. Soulmate his ass, what kind of soulmate made their other half cry anything but tears of joy? 

“Sorry,” Yubel began, finally managing to get something out before swallowing a lump in their throat. 

“Don’t say sorry,” Judai exclaimed, hefting himself up from the windowsill to stand in front of Yubel. “It was my fault so don’t say sorry!” 

“Don’t be stupid, my emotions aren’t your fault.”

Judai frowned, knitting his eyebrows together. Is this what it was like talking with him sometimes? “I’m the one who asked you to drag up bad memories.”

“That doesn’t mean it’s your fault. You didn’t know.”

“I should have been able to guess. Delicacy is a thing.”

“It’s not your strength.”

“Yet I could have tried it.”

Yubel didn’t respond. And Judai watched for a moment before clenching his fist. He’d done much more stupid things, this was important here and now. He closed his eyes and then leaned forward, wrapping the now solid body of his partner into a tight hug, receiving a flinch. 

“I couldn’t protect you,” they mumbled into his shoulder after a moment. He felt a wet patch start to form.

“You can’t blame yourself for that.”

“It was my sole duty and I failed. Then I failed you again all those years later.”

Judai couldn’t help but feel his heart ache. 

“I was still so used to the war and the distrust that I didn’t stop to consider the new times. What the people of this time were like. You felt you had to get rid of me and then I came back, completely unwanted, and I hurt you again. I’ve failed you so much. So, so much.”

Judai gave a somber smile, closing his eyes before giving them what he hoped was a comforting pat on the back. It seemed to work as the tension seemed to leave their body, even if just a bit, and he felt their arms wrap tightly around his back as though he could vanish in a moment without warning. He pointedly ignored the claws that poked into his back. He was sure Yubel was trying their best- they were always so considerate, even now. 

“This is a horrible use of your power,” they mumbled into his shoulder after a moment. Judai was sure he heard a sniff, maybe he was hearing things. 

“Everyone needs a hug sometimes.”

Judai thought they’d contest that but all they got was a wet chuckle and a mumble that sounded like a ‘perhaps’ into his shirt. 

He was unsure just how long it was that the two of them stood like that but eventually Yubel withdrew themself from his arms, face still decidedly damp but with a grateful smile gracing their lips. 

“I hope this is the last time this happens,” they said, “but thank you. I think that was well-needed.”

Judai blinked slowly then let a large grin spread across his face. “We’re not strangers, I’m always here for you. Literally and figuratively. And…” he reached out and wiped some of the damp hair sticking to their face to the side, “it’s nice to see the human side of you. To just talk and connect.”

“Talking and connecting has never been a particular strong point of mine, especially when it comes to you, but… we can work on it.” Yubel returned his own grin with a smaller, but still toothy grin of their own. “We have eternity to spend together after all.”

**Author's Note:**

> I feel like I haven't written something in absolute eons! Been so busy with uni and now the world's ending or something? I don't even know at this point. My health has also been absolute dogshit, can barely hold a pen steady these days, thank fuck for laptops. 
> 
> I hope you liked this one. I've always wanted to write more about Yubel's past and I have a bunch more headcanons regarding that in case anyone wants to ask or wants some more in-depth information. This is definitely the most shippy out of all the soulshipping I've ever written which I guess is on account of the whole hurt/comfort thing. It was initially very Judai-focused but it ended up being focused more on Yubel which is great and I hope y'all think so too. No Daitokuji or Pharaoh this time- maybe next time! 
> 
> The two songs I used as inspiration while writing were [Shadow to the Light by Tide Lines](https://youtu.be/Rpr4qnvjMhg) (as used in the title) and [Incense and Peppermints by Strawberry Alarm Clock](https://youtu.be/RghL1rViX34) (as used in the description). 
> 
> Find me on Tumblr at [future-circuit!](http://future-circuit.tumblr.com/)


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